The Ideal Girl, Perhaps?

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So I feel like I am a little weird, in terms of my tastes in girls and my methods of approaching them as far as being a guy goes. I tend to look for something that matters opposed to something temporary. I'm not interested in one night stands, random hook-ups, superficial feelings or anything of the sort. As a result, I prefer to get to know the girl before anything really begins to unfold. I want talk to her, I want to know if she can hold a conversation because I do enjoy talking about anything and everything from deep intellectual topics to the most random of things. I genuinely want to get to know her, her interests, ambitions if she has any, about her family, any siblings she might have, hobbies she might possess, things she has gone through in the past, issues she deals with now, who she is and how she got to this point of talking to me in her life, but you get the point. I want to actually get to know her as a person and establish some sort of legitimate connection that gives us ground to build off of. So I'm not into that fake flirting bullshit, the pick up lines or the little game that people play at times with each other. My intentions are to build a good friendship first because I tend to believe that the basis of any real.. strong relationship is a good strong friendship. And isn't that what we really want? To date, maybe even end up marrying our best friend? Who else would know you better, who else would care about you more? Your best friend, now I imagine that's a life partner. But I'm getting ahead of myself when I mention marriage because it's not necessarily my intent to determine she is someone I could spend the rest of my life when I start talking to a girl. Sure, we're dating to one day find the person that we'll marry. But we're also dating to experience, to live, to grow as individuals and discover more of what we want and what we don't want. And that has in a sense, influenced how I approach girls who I could potentially have feelings for. I have to get to know her for a couple reasons. I don't want to rush into things and end up dating a girl before I really truly know her then find out that I really can't stand her after finally getting to know her better. Then there is also the fact that relationships can go dry because they're too much of a couple and not enough of friends. And what I mean, is that its the whole concept that too much of a good thing, is a bad thing. If a flame burns too brightly, it will go out. You should be able to have a balance in a relationship, between being a couple and just being friends. Being able to go out and do activities and goof off and just be friends together and then also have those passionate moments. But, you get the point. However, the girl has to be pretty damn amazing in the first place for me to have feelings for her. But what constitutes amazing exactly, in my book? Well, in short I don't really have a "type" of girl that I would say I would be more likely to date and I wouldn't say that I'm any "type" for a girl. I'm pretty much open to any and all types. If I like her then what should it matter, right? As long as she is comfortable with who she is. And to me? Confidence is extremely attractive, because I don't like it when girls are so quick to put themselves down. Honestly though, I wouldn't mind a girl who is smarter than me and I found one once (though she will deny it to the end). It was probably the most refreshing thing I have ever experienced, do you realize how nice it is to be able to hold full legitimate intellectual and deep conversations with someone you have feelings for? It's amazing. But realistically? She doesn't have to be a genius, but she has to be intelligent because intelligence can come in many different forms. And in my book intelligence constitutes as an amazing quality. Skipping along, she has to have a good sense of humor and at least get my sense of humor. Laughing is essential in everything we do and I want to be able to laugh with her all the time. What's that stupid ass song, "All that I'm after is a life full of laughter"? Yeah. That. Has to have a great personality for obvious reasons. And some semblance of morals would be nice, I'm not asking nor expecting a perfect angel because realistically none of us fall under that category. But she has to have that level of self-respect for herself so that I may have that same level of respect for her, because how can you respect someone who doesn't even respect themselves? Weirdness is always nice, extremely nice actually. I like odd girls who have little quirks about them that make them interesting and unique because honestly, I'm a weird guy. And I appreciate weirdness. But also, I don't like the concept of everyone being a carbon copy of the other. Have your own sense of self, also kind of falls under the respect thing I guess. I'm not just some sex-crazed male like the other 99% of my gender, I actually want to be able to connect and have something real with a girl. However, with that being said. Looks are still important. It's the whole idea that.. looks aren't everything but they do matter. I feel like.. if I'm going to be interested or have feelings for a girl I have to find her at least attractive or be attracted to her. She doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous, she doesn't have to be absolutely beautiful, she just has to be pretty in my eyes and typically if she has an amazing personality that just intensifies her attractiveness because something about it seems to make a girl glow. On a side-note however, most girls are more critical about their looks than they ever should be. Shame. Stop that. Now. Some of them are already absolutely gorgeous and they think the exact opposite because the world puts such impossible standards on beauty and perfection when in reality there exist no standards for it at all. But, the reason that I bring up looks is because I feel like the physical aspect of a relationship is very important, because it is deeply interconnected and rooted with the emotional aspect of a relationship. A kiss is just a kiss, holding hands is just a touch, cuddling is just cuddling. BUT. When you have feelings for someone, a kiss is so much more than just a kiss, holding hands is electrifying, and cuddling can have the time-stopping effect almost. Everything physical suddenly has so much more meaning and because of that when you're together physically it also strengthens the bond that you feel with one another. And that.. that is what I want. The deal-breaker however, tends to arise with religion or issues of faith I guess I should say. Me personally? It doesn't bother me what her faith is, I believe everyone's faith should be important to themselves and they shouldn't let anyone or anything influence what they believe. You have your own mind, you should determine what you believe in for yourself. In other words, to me your faith whatever it may be does not influence or affect in any way how I think about or feel about you. But sadly, it is rarely the same the other way around. A large majority of the girls I meet will probably never give me a chance based upon what I believe. And you know, that's sad but.. I am me and I refuse to change to suit anybody. But anyway there are other things that I could go on about, but honestly those are just details. Details that involve various smaller ideal qualities, but not necessarily what's absolutely necessary. I've listed largely what I look for, what's more important to me really but this blog seems like it has already gone on obnoxiously long enough as is so I'll stop. It had been on my mind for a while now and I felt like writing out these thoughts of just what I'm interested in and looking for in a girl. The picture I used for this one has been a favorite for a few years now, though more recently it reminds me of a girl I fell for months back.


"I love a hand that meets my own with a grasp that causes some sensation"--Samuel Osgood

Sometimes

I find myself incapable at times, incapable of fixing problems, of saying the right thing, of giving the proper advice, of even being able to say anything at all. And you know, that's okay because sometimes.. people don't vent to you, they don't talk to you, they don't tell you their problems, they don't come to you for you to have every answer, for you to fix all of their problems, for you to make their life right. Sometimes.. most of the time.. all they need is for you to listen. I feel like, a lot of the time that's all we're really looking for. We want to know that we aren't the only ones that can hear the sound of our own voices. We want to know that we aren't alone. We want to know that someone gives enough of a damn to sit there, not decide that they know what's best for you and try to fix everything, and just listen. It's a simple act really, but it has profound implications, imagine that. Just to listen, to a complete stranger or just a best friend. It can make the world of difference to people, it can make the world of difference to you. Random thought really, I try my best to always be someone that people can come to talk to because I understand the power that just listening has. I may not have all the answers, but I do have two ears and they work quite well actually.


"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand."--Random Anonymous

The Eyes Never Lie

There is always more going on beneath than what we choose to show the world, hiding whats within some deep recess that houses our soul. It’s a curious fact that we attempt to hide so much from those around us. For despite our best efforts, there is always more to be seen on our faces than the misleading expressions we at times choose to yield. Far down beneath these expressions in some dark confine maelstroms surge relentlessly, inciting all sorts’ of mayhem in forms of restlessness and anguish that we can often feel to be almost overwhelming. And occasionally we can find the only hint to such a disturbance through subtle notions such as an off-handed comment, a casual gesture that would seem almost natural but not quite, or perhaps even a thoughtful look that would imply more than idle thoughts. And yet somehow, something will always breakthrough to the surface in silent pleas. While something as simple as a smile can serve to mislead the world from seeing the turmoil within us our eyes cannot hide the despair and through them you will find a quiet screaming that is almost begging to be heard, to be seen. But sadly, we don’t always see or hear what others are trying to show even in moments when their eyes should reveal it all. And why is that? It's as if we tend to almost willingly blind ourselves to everything around us while we tread on deaf ears. Completely oblivious we are sightless to all but our own despair, our own anguish, turmoil, and feelings and we are deaf to all but our own pleas and issues. Almost without realizing it, we can allow our own worlds consume everything around us limiting our sight from anything or anyone to nothing but of ourselves. And I wonder… in these moments how do we ever live with ourselves, do we even realize that we are not the only ones that feel pain? There is so much of it that exists all around us but how much of it are we actually aware of? Pain can exist in many different forms ranging from large and small to physical and mental, but the universal constant is that it still hurts. Your friend, your brother, your sister, your teacher, that random kid that everyone picks on, a complete stranger that you pass on the street or maybe see on campus, at your work, anyone and everyone close and distant. Do you see their pain or are you unaware that anything is even wrong? It varies from person to person but as you would come to learn nothing is ever okay all of the time. How aware do you think you could become, how much do you think you would see if you took a moment to step out of your own world and into someone else’s? If you took the time to look with a measure of genuine intent into their eyes, you will find it startling at just how far you can glimpse into their world. In them you can see happiness, sadness, joy, anger, sorrow, fear, grief, despair amongst a cascade of other feelings and emotions which tend to show you more about a person than they would ever intend for you to see. With a simple look, their eyes will reveal to you raw emotion and already you know more of that person than you did moments prior. The eyes are tricky, they will put up on display what you don't intentionally mean to show. As a result, if you're perceptive enough you can see past the calm into their tumultuous mind where they tirelessly wage their war across unimaginable battlefields struggling between their emotions, thoughts, and feelings. Countless battles are fought beneath the facade as these unseen forces collide with each side struggling desperately. And the curious fact about this is that it is almost futile, for us to fight ourselves so vigorously at times if only to feel okay because surely our struggle will only incite more unrest and restlessness. Battles that are waged over and over and again and again resulting in this sort of unending war of attrition that chips away at your mind until it seems like nothing is okay and everything is a mess leaving our worlds in an upheaval. All of this and more simply seen through your eyes yet it hits only the tip of the iceberg of how far you can see into other worlds. I think it's interesting that they describe the eyes as the pathway to your soul because it is as if it works in just that way, as a pathway. Even in the eyes of a complete stranger, you can gleam tiny fractions of what they may be feeling and yet even with someone like your best friend, your brother or sister, some close family member or someone who you consider a close friend.. you will never see the whole picture. But with that tiny glimpse, you see more of that person than you did previously and as a result your entire perspective of them shifts and you begin to understand them if only minutely more. But it is a journey you see, down that pathway. It doesn't matter if you understand them a lot or a little, you still gained that level of understanding and already you have stepped out of your world. I wonder if I will ever feel like I am understood, it leads me to wonder if anyone feels like they are understood. Is the world just full of people who are misunderstood? I enjoy trying to understand others, I like being able to see into their worlds. It leaves me wondering what you see in my world, if you take the time to look. I wonder what it is that you see if you were to look into my eyes. Can you see all that I feel, all that I think, all that is going on that I choose to keep hidden from you? Or can you see nothing at all? Can you see everything that I see? I welcome you look, to try and to understand me and my world as I try to understand yours.

"The eyes are a mirror of the soul"--Yiddish Proverb